The Old "My #Cats Opened The Bottle Of Lube" Defense

Can this cat open a tempting jar? (Shutterstock)

 

We know that cats can open doors, but have you ever heard of a cat opening a bottle of lube? That's what one man, accused of statutory rape for sleeping with one of his high school students, claimed in court yesterday.

Richard Hovan was charged with criminal sex act and child endangerment, in addition to statutory rape, for his relationship with a 16-year-old student at Riverdale Country School. Hovan's fiancee at the time apparently discovered him with the topless girl in their Chelsea apartment back in 2012. The student testified she had been seduced by the MIT graduate and Price Is Right contestant and said that they were about to have sex when they were interrupted.

The Post, which had reported that he had only been doing "crosswords" with the student—who he described as troubled—to calm her down, wrote about the amazing cats:

The Riverdale prep school teacher on trial for allegedly having sex with his 16-year-old student came up with yet another bizarre excuse Thursday when probed about the tube of lubricant his jilted lover discovered on his coffee table. “My cats can open fridges — they open cabinets,” Richard Hovan testified nonchalantly in Manhattan Supreme Court.
Prosecutor Shanda Strain fired back, “So the cats could open a box? Take the lid off?”
Hovan answered, “I don’t know who could do it — because it wasn’t me.”

The prosecution also "revealed that Hovan exchanged a staggering 10,000 text messages and calls with the alleged victim between March and May 2011 — compared to the 3,000 he shared with" his then-fiancee, and questioned why the teen had to use the fire escape to leave the apartment if they were just doing crosswords.

 In the closing, the prosecutor reportedly said, "[h]ere, you have a teacher saying the cats ate the lube," while Hovan's lawyer said the student should have known whether he was circumcised: "If they had a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, a loving relationship…she would know."

Man, to be on that jury.

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